At this point, there isn’t a person in the United States not affected by Covid-19 in one way or another. Whether we have experienced the illness directly or are grappling with the ways our world has so abruptly changed and the uncertainties of what will happen next, we are all experiencing a multitude of feelings and reactions. Just as in grieving, there is no one way to respond. Some children and teens may be mostly struggling with feelings of annoyance and frustration in response to sudden changes to routines and way of life while some may be rejoicing at the idea of not having to go to school. For most adults, this time brings a lot of insecurity and worry - will I and my loved ones be okay, how will I be able to continue working and how will I manage are all questions many people are asking. We may have never been more fully aware of how interconnected we are as beings on this planet before this moment nor aware of how much we all need each other’s support. As a therapist who has spent years working with adults, children, teens, and families, I want to share my thoughts about managing anxiety specifically in response to the emergence of Covid-19 as well as my go-to practices for difficult times. I hope that they will provide you with some support and relief.
Social Distancing Does Not Equal Emotional Distancing - While the need for people to “socially distance” and remain at home as much as possible becomes more and more real, this is also a time for us to recognize how much we need one another and how our interactions affect each other and shape our world. Take the time to check in on (even if it’s only through text, email or call) family, friends, and neighbors. And reach out to the people who can provide you with a listening and supportive ear.
Check Our Negativity Bias - Survival and resilience are in our DNA. However, part of our survival instinct means that we also have a built-in negativity bias. If we see ten pieces of positive information and one negative, for many of us our brains will latch only onto the negative while the positive fades into the background. While a built-in negativity bias has enabled humans throughout our evolution to be alert and proactive toward possible danger, it creates a considerable challenge for us today when the flow of information through news and social media, information that is often shaped by others’ negativity biases, is endless. Therefore we have to actively train ourselves to recognize and counter our negativity bias. Here are some ways to do that:
---Limit intake and exposure to social media and the news. It may be helpful to schedule times to put the phone away or instead think about scheduling in limited times to be on social media or news sites.
---Increase your ability to see the positive through gratitude practices. Make listing 3 things you are grateful for from that day a nightly dinner activity or a way to wind down at the end of the day.
---Seek out the stories and the people that bring you hope even in times of darkness. Print out or write out those favorite quotes and put them where you’ll see them. As Pete Seeger said, “The key to the future of the world is finding the optimistic stories and letting them be known.”
Reframe Our Worries with What We Know - It’s completely normal in times of stress for our brains to focus on worst-case scenarios. The reality is that our worst-case scenarios rarely do come true and, when the feared scenario does happen, we often find we are more resilient than we thought. When it comes to Covid-19, we know that the majority of people who have contracted the illness recover. We also know that many people who contract Covid-19 never experience symptoms or have only mild symptoms. When the safety measures feel sudden and drastic, it is easy to fall into panic. We can reframe these trying times as an amazing collaboration of people and institutions coming together and temporarily changing our way of life to protect one another. While our thoughts may not magically change our reality, they absolutely can change the lens through which we see our world in powerful ways.
Check Our Fight / Flight / Freeze Reactions with Compassion - Our fight / flight / freeze responses exist to protect us in times of crisis and, because of that, they are designed to be automatic. Just like we don’t choose to react in fight / flight / freeze, we also don’t have control over which response gets triggered in us, whether it is fight (anger, yelling and aggression), flight (avoidance and withdrawal) or freeze (numbing and shutting down). The fight, flight or freeze reactions can also trigger a secondary shame response. You may be upset with yourself for yelling at a loved one or for shutting down and not being available to people who depend on you. So if you’ve found yourself reacting from one of these places in the past weeks, have compassion and go easy on yourself and everyone else. Know that underneath anger, there is often much fear. No one wants to be at the whim of their survival responses. To take back more control, work on grounding to increase your self-regulation and decrease the chances that you will get triggered. Grounding means bringing yourself back to the present moment, to your body and yourself. Here are 5 ways to ground yourself.
---Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can taste, 1 thing you can smell.
---Take a breath and start again. Try 4-7 relaxation breathing. Breathe in through your nostrils, feeling your belly rise and ribcage expand, to a count of 4. Pause and then breathe out slowly through your mouth to the count of 7. Pause and repeat.
---Find your connection with the earth. Even inside your home or workplace, you can imagine roots being sent through your feet deep into the ground while you stand. When seated, notice all of the places that your body makes contact with the world around you - your feet on the ground, your thighs on the seat of the chair, your elbows on the chair arms, your hands in your lap - and feel the support this gives you.
---Give yourself a break whether that’s by taking a warm salt bath, going for a walk or locking yourself away for an hour in a quiet room.
---Find a helpful statement you can tell yourself in difficult moments. Examples include: I know I’ll make it through this, I’m stronger than I think, It won’t be like this forever, These feelings are just the waves and I am the ocean, I can ride this wave.
Tonglen “Taking and Sending” Meditation - One of my favorite mindfulness practices to do in challenging times is Tonglen meditation. Taught by Pema Chodron with its origins in Tibetan Buddhism, Tonglen is also known as “taking and sending”. In this meditation practice, we take in suffering as we breathe in and we send out relief as we breathe out. Tonglen goes against what most of us have been taught; rather than trying to discharge the negative from ourselves we embrace it with compassion and in so doing we transform it. You can do Tonglen for someone you know or even for yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed by fear, imagine breathing in the fear and on the out-breath imagine breathing out courage. You can say these words in your mind as you do this. More examples of Tonglen taking and sending are: I breathe in fear, I breathe out strength; I breathe in worry, I breathe out calm; I breathe in pain, I breathe out comfort; I breathe in anger, I breathe out open-heartedness; I breathe in loneliness, I breathe out love. You can change the words to fit what you or someone else needs. As you breathe in, imagine breathing in the tightness, heat, or heaviness of the difficult feeling and, as you breathe out, imagine sending out light, clarity, openness and a calming coolness. As you continue doing Tonglen for yourself or someone you know, expand this compassion outward toward all beings who are feeling this way. While Tonglen can be like a much-needed prayer for a loved one or even the whole world, it can also provide you with much relief.
Emotional Freedom Technique / Tapping - This is also a great time to try Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or “Tapping” if you’ve never tried it before. In EFT we gently tap on a series of acupressure points while thinking about a negative emotion or experience in an accepting way. Through the tapping of these points, we are able to help our body to process these emotions. My clients who have utilized EFT unanimously report feeling calmer and more relaxed after tapping. For more information about what EFT is and how to do it, you can go to https://www.thetappingsolution.com/what-is-eft-tapping/. Please remember to wash your hands before touching your face. When using EFT at this time, it may be helpful to say the following while you tap on the side of your hand: “Even though I am so stressed and worried and afraid, I completely accept myself and all my feelings. Even though I am so stressed thinking about what is happening, I love and accept myself and all my feelings. Even though I am worried about what is going to happen, I accept myself and my feelings and I give myself permission to relax.”
While I am not seeing clients in the office at this time, I am available through Teletherapy and am accepting new clients. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if I can be helpful to you or yours. Be well! Stephanie
Stephanie Carter, LCSW | Wildflower Wellness PLLC | 218 River Rd, Unionville, CT 06085
stephanie@wildflowerwellnesspllc.com | (860) 407-6506
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